I think the main reason why I don't ever tell anyone my insecurities is that they are all too normal, too mediocre problems. They don't compare to those that my friends.
And they can survive through those problems. What about me?
At times like this, when someone's hurting and she doesn't feel like she can get help, is a very bleak prospect.
And fuck, I realize that I've been misunderstood all this while.
And I get angry when I realize that no one's been on the same page as me all this time.
Maybe it works for them, but you're alienating me more than ever.
Don't bother about me, just a failure girl, amongst the myriad of failures in their own right.
subarashiki sekai11:26 PM
the original ah lian;
Monday, June 09, 2008
Love, love is a verb Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion Shakes me makes me lighter Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath
Nine night of matter Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath
Water is my eye Most faithful mirror Fearless on my breath Teardrop on the fire of a confession Fearless on my breath Most faithful mirror Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire Fearless on my breath
You're stumbling a little You're stumbling a little...
So, this shall be where I blog. But actually, coming to think about it, I don't have much to say now.
My family has a huge sense of pride.
But it's not like I'll admit to anyone face to face, and not like we don't know it.
subarashiki sekai11:31 PM
the original ah lian;
Friday, April 11, 2008
I'm blogging here because Vox(and now blogger) is being such a bitch.
I know. I'm not working hard enough. For ten hours I only studied for 2 hours. So I'll probably fail hard for mid-years. That's what I tell my mother and her, and it only serves to make my mother even angrier, because it sounds like I've given up.
你们不知道；可是那可能就是事实
她。有了意志力，a never-ending drive to succeed, and keeps working hard.
霸道，一直以来都没有把我们，她的家人，放在眼里。如果那就是成功的方法，那你们愿意我做向着道路吗？
有一天，我会逃走这个地方。她是要飞向一个（她想象）a future of promise. 有一天，我可能会逃走这个地方。
为什么？没人会知道，我也不会和别人说。
A long time ago, I used to look at the good in everyone. A few years in Crescent and this; and sometimes when I see people I once used to look up to, people that I kept making excuses for -
I see you what I have periodically denied to be true. And sadly, it's gotten less tiring when I finally stop seeing everyone under a halo.
可是我也不恨任何人。恨是代表你还对别人有关心。
and why even though people around me have that avenue to turn to, I don't turn there. Because I have too many examples in my life to show me that sometimes even human nature cannot be changed, even with external factors. There are good examples, of course.
I just don't think I can find it here, in this place, in Singapore.
It's the quiet ones after all. And the bright, happy, bubbly ones.
We are all fighting for something after all.
subarashiki sekai9:21 PM
the original ah lian;
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Sen no Yoru wo Koete - Aqua Timez
aisaretai demo aisou to shinai "I want you to love me, but I don't think you will" sono kurikaeshi no nake wo samayotte I wander around as I repeat this to myself boku ga mitsuketa kotae wa hitotsu kowakutatte kizu tsuitatte It's the only answer I have, even if I'm scared of getting hurt suki na hito ni wa sukitte tsutaerun da I'll say 'I love you' to the one I love
anata ga boku wo aishiteru ka aishienai ka Do you love me or not? nante koto wa mou docchi demo iin da I don't care what the answer is, I just need to know! donna ni negai nozomou ga No matter how badly I desire to be with you kono sekai ni wa kaerarenu mono ga takusan aru darou There are many unchangable things in this world, sou soushite boku ga anata o aishiteru to iu jijitsu dake wa and my love for you dare ni mo kaerarenu shinjitsu dakara can't be stopped by anyone
sen no yoru wo koete anata ni tsutaetai As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you.. tsutaenakya naranai koto ga aru I have to let you know. aisaretai demo aisou to shinai "I want you to love me, but I don't think you will" sono kurikaeshi no nake wo samayotte I wander around as I repeat this to myself boku ga mitsuketa kotae wa hitotsu kowakutatte kizu tsuitatte It's the only answer I have, even if I'm scared of getting hurt suki na hito ni wa sukitte tsutaerun da I'll say 'I love you' to the one I love
kimochi wo kotoba ni suru no wa kowai yo demo Putting these feelings into words is scary, but suki na hito ni wa sukitte tsutaerun da I'll say 'I love you' to the one I love.
meguriau yorokobi wo kotoba ja iiarawasenai ne The happiness that we chance upon in our lives can't be expressed in words. dakara bokutachi wa hohoemi That's why we can only smile iro azayaka ni sujiru aki wo 'do re mi' de utatte Why we sing 'do re mi' among the vivid autumn colours fuyu o se ni haru no komorebi wo machi With winter at our backs, and the spring sunbeams peeking through the leaves atarashiku umarekawaru dareka wo mamoreru you ni to as if to protect someone who's just been reborn
kita michi to yukisaki turikaeba itsudemo okubyou na me o shiteita boku As I looked at the road I've traveled and the path ahead, my eyes were filled with cowardice mukiaitai demo sunao ni narenai I wanted to look into your eyes, but was afraid I wouldn't be honest massugu ni aite wo aisenai hibi wo I didn't want to know you didn't love me kurikaeshite wa hitori bocchi wo iyagatta and live the rest of my days all alone ano hi no boku wa mukiza na mama de hito wo aisou to shiteita That day, I kept on loving you without getting hurt
sen no yoru wo koete anata ni tsutaetai As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you.. tsutaenakya naranai koto ga aru I have to let you know. aisaretai demo aisou to shinai "I want you to love me, but I don't think you will" sono kurikaeshi no nake wo samayotte I wander around as I repeat this to myself boku ga mitsuketa kotae wa hitotsu kowakutatte kizu tsuitatte It's the only answer I have, even if I'm scared of getting hurt suki na hito ni wa sukitte tsutaerun da I'll say 'I love you' to the one I love
sono omoi ga kanawanakutatte suki na hito ni sukitte tsutaeru Even if my feelings aren't returned, I can say 'I love you' to the one I love... sore wa kono sekai de ichiban suteki na koto sa And that's the most beautiful thing in this world.
Goodbye Days 'because if you pick it up, you must learn to put it down as well'
Dakara ima ai ni yuku Sou kimetanda Poketto no kono kyoku wo Kimi ni kikasetai So right now I'm going to see you, That's what I've decided. I want you to hear this little song I've made.
Sotto boryuumu wo agete Tashikamete mita yo I slowly turned up the volume, Until I found just the right level.
Oh Good-bye Days ima Kawaru ki ga suru Kinou made ni so long Kakkoyokunai yasashisa ga soba ni aru kara ~with you Oh Good-bye Days! I know things are gonna to change. We said our good-byes yesterday, But your honesty and kindness are still with me. La la la la la I'm with you…
Katahou no iyafon wo Kimi ni watasu Yukkuri to nagarekomu Kono shunkan I take out my headphones, And hand you one of the earpieces. Then the music starts to play.
Umaku aisete imasu ka? Tama ni mayou kedo Can I really love you? Sometimes I don't think I can…
Oh Good-bye Days ima Kawarihajimeta mune no oku alright Kakkoyokunai yasashisa ga soba ni aru kara ~with you Oh Good-bye Days! Things have already started changing. But in my heart it's all right. Because I have your kindness in my heart. La la la la la I'm with you…
Dekireba kanashii Omoi nante shitakunai Demo yattekuru deshou? Sono toki egao de Yeah hello!! My friend nante sa Ieta nara ii no ni… I don't want to worry about the future, But it keeps bothering me. Even if I've got my friends around me, That doubt is still there…
Onaji uta wo kuchizusamu toki Soba ni ite I wish Kakkoyokunai yasashisa ni Aeta yokatta yo Whenever I hum that song, I always wish you were here. But I'm still glad that I met you And found your kindness. La la la la Good-bye days…
subarashiki sekai4:20 PM
the original ah lian;
Monday, February 25, 2008
What Your Handwriting Says About You
You are highly energetic. You are a passionate, intense, vigorous person.
You range from very outgoing to very shy. You are a shapeshifter who is very versatile. You adapt well, and you look at things from many angles.
You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others.
You don't a lot of space, and you prefer to spend time with others. You are a little nosy and intrusive. You sometimes don't give people enough space.
You are somewhat traditional, but you are also open to change. You listen to your head and your heart.
You are a decent communicator. You eventually get your point across, but sometimes you leave things a bit ambiguous.
I've been told I have the attention span of a housefly.
Nevertheless, you can read my blog and try not to think too much.
You'll spoil your brain.
To people I might possibly offend, I would like to apologize and then remind you about freedom of speech ;).
#2] atashi wa;
studies in a girl's school
secondary 3
3.11.92
is a restless soul
left handed!
